I have done a lot of learning in my life and most of it didn’t come from school. Sure, I am college educated but the true life lessons, lessons that are taught through trials and tribulations, cannot be taught in a classroom. This education did not come easily, it took a lot of pain and struggle just to make it to my current age. To be honest, I did not expect to make it past the ripe old age of eighteen. The streets that I grew up struggling through, were my waiting reaper, destined to take me to the darkness beyond.
Finding my way through this thing we call life, wasn’t going to be easy. Hoping to find my way through faith didn’t help me on my path. Following the ways of my elders just didn’t seem to be what I wanted in my life. The questions I have, the things I’ve learned; how could they be explained so easily? How could life be so simple when written, yet so hard when lived? Am I destined to be just another in the masses, a nameless voice, following the beaten path with hopes of a different outcome?
I read once that the definition of madness is to do the same thing repeatedly and expect a different outcome. Well, in my opinion, to follow the path worn out by others that came before me seemed like madness. I had to find another way. I wanted, no I want more from my life than to be just another soul in the throng. I need more from my life than to be a part of the system that hasn’t been quite successful. I had to find a better route for my spirit. A better path for my soul.
Believing that the answer to my problems did not lie in religion, I started to search else where for the solutions to my questions. I have read several books on religion. I have learned the tenets that make up each of these faiths and I have found that the answers I need would not lie in their faith. My faith is the question. My belief is the spirit. My desire is enlightenment and my goal is Ascension.
My lessons through religion did not bring forth the fruit that I was interested in gaining, but my love for history combined with my pilgrimage of faith was more helpful. While reading about Ptolemy, I learned of a strange and different word, gnosis. This word stirred something in me. I had to find out more, I had to dig into this word like I dug into religion. I did and what I found was what I needed. I was finally looking in the right direction. Finally learning about what I want to know.
Without going into too much detail about my religion, because I hear that is a hot word, I have found a better way for me, because of my beliefs. I have a direction set forth that would give me the things I desire. I can find what I have always wanted through working towards my goal. My spirit guides me on the path that I feel my life should take and I can’t help but think that my desires and goals, are much closer than they were previously.